I can't live without you
by Ieeerr
Summary: Come on Kendall! This is the perfect chance to tell him! Come on!


**ENJOY!**

When I looked to my left I could see him sleep, he was taking a nap in our bedroom while I was working on my homework. He looked so peaceful, so gorgeous. I wish I could go over to him and cuddle with him forever. He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. He was the most important person in my life. I loved him with all my heart. The person I'm talking about is Logan, Logan Henderson, my best friend. I've known him for all my life. He knows all my secrets except for one, or maybe 2. Secret number one was: I'm gay. Number two: I'm in love with Logan.

I decided that today was the day that I was gonna come out to him. I was gonna tell him I was gay AND that I was in love with him. Maybe he felt the same, I hoped he did. I really could use a boyfriend. I wanted to feel something I had rarely ever felt before. And that thing was love. I wanted to feel loving arms around me, loving lips on mine. I wanted someone to tell me I was special.

I sighed and continued to stare at him. I thought about hundreds of scenarios. Hopefully he felt the same way, hopefully we could start something special together, get our own place, get married and maybe even start a little family together. But what if he didn't feel the same way? What would I do? Run away? Move to another country? Kill myself?

I really didn't wanted to think about all the negative things that could happen.

"Kendall, you're staring at me."

"Ohh, you're awake." I broke my stare and blinked a few times.

"Why were you staring at me?"

"I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"Oh just, you know, things.."

"Wanna tell me about it?"

_Come on Kendall! This is __the perfect chance to tell him! Come on! _

"Well, yes. There is something I wanna talk to you about."

"Okay"

Then it went silent for a few minutes. I didn't know how to begin, I didn't know what to say.

"I'm gay" I finally burst out.

"Really?"

"Yeah, are you okay with that?"

"Of course." He smiled. "This might as well be a good opportunity to say I'm bisexual"

"You're bisexual?" I asked confused. _Maybe I do have a change!_

"Yes"

"Okay, cool. There's something else what I wanted to tell you."

"Tell me"

Normally my bedroom was just for me, but Logan's parents were out of town for a whole month so they asked my mom if he could stay with us, of course my mom said yes. So I stood up from the chair I was sitting on and walked towards the bed that used to stand in a spare room, but which was moved into my room for Logan at the moment.

I knelt down in front of him and looked him in the eyes. He looked confused, very, confused. I leaned forward and softly pecked his lips. I didn't feel him kiss back so I quickly pull away.

"I.. I'm.. Uhmm.. I'm in love with you."

"WHAT?" Logan yelled.

He raised his hand and slapped me on my cheek.

"Auw!" I whined. "What was that for?"

"You randomly kiss me, tell me you're in love with me and then I should react normal? Kendall. I'm not in love with you, and I will never be."

Tears were in my eyes by now. My heart broke when I heard his words.

"I'm sorry, Kendall. Maybe I should go find a hotel or something. Staying here, _with you_, is not a good idea."

A single tear rolled down my face. This was not what I wanted to happen.

"Logan, I'm so sorry. Can't we just forget about all this?"

"How can I possibly forget this? You were kissing me, admitting your feelings to me. You're in love with me, I can't live here. I can't be what you want me to be. I don't even know if I want to be what you want me to be."

I stood up and ran away. I heard him yell for me to come back but I didn't. I ran and ran and ran. When I finally slowed down I saw a building, a high building. I walked inside and towards the elevator. This building had 12 floors. I pushed the button for the 12th floor and when I reached it I searched for a way to get on the roof.

I realized I was crying when I walked towards the edge and everything was blurry. I was lost in my thoughts. _This is it. Logan was everything I had, he was the only one I wanted to live for, but now I know he doesn't want me, I don't want to live anymore. I lost him. I messed up our friendship. He hates me, he's disgusted by me, I'M disgusted by me. How could I do this to him AND myself. I'm horrible, I don't deserve to live. Everything will be better when I'm gone. Mom and dad won't fight anymore. My brothers will be happy, they always say that I moan way too much about stuff, they're always annoyed with me. Logan will be better off without me. Logan is.. no, he was my only friend, I don't have anyone. No one will miss me. _

I stood now with my toes over the edge of this building. Once again lost in my thoughts. _Of course he doesn't like you back, have you ever looked at yourself? You're ugly, fat, disgusting, stupid, worthless, miserable, dumb, unloved, horrible. You're a faggot, stupid faggot. You are a shame for your family, who wants to have a gay son, brother or cousin, NO ONE. No one wants you. Not even Logan. _My thoughts kept getting back to Logan, his gorgeous face, with those beautiful brown eyes and his soft, sweet lips. _At least I got to feel and taste his lips._

"KENDALL! STOP!"

I looked behind me and saw Logan standing on the roof.

"Kendall, I'm so sorry. Don't do this, I can't live without you. I don't wanna live without you."

"Logan, I'm in love with you, I'm a fucking faggot. You CAN live without me, everything will be better." Tears were falling down my cheeks.

I turned back to look at the ground, 100 feet down below.

"Kendall! Please don't do this. I love you. I love you too. I love you with all my heart. I was so stupid earlier, I made a mistake, I was just shocked and confused! I'm so sorry. Kendall, please come here. I wanna hold you. I wanna kiss you. I love you so much, Kendall. Please." He was crying as well.

Everything was one big blur. Logan did feel the same, he wanted me too. But it was too late. I had made my decision. "I'm sorry, Logan. I love you and I always will. You will always be the one."

And with that I jumped.

"KENDALLL! NOOOOOOOOOO!" I heard Logan's cry.

I hit the ground hard, I'm pretty sure I broke all the bones in my body. My head was bleeding too, my head was bleeding a lot. I closed my eyes.

"KENDALL!"

Logan ran towards me, panting heavily. He held me tight and he tried to wake me up.

"Kendall! Wake up!"

I opened my eyes and locked eyes with him. He was crying and I had tears in my eyes too.

"Kendall, I'm so sorry. I love you, you're my life. I love you so much. Please don't leave me. I can't live without you. I don't wanna live without you. Kendall, you are so special to me, please. Hold on, we can get through this, everything will be fine. We will be okay. Kendall, please. I made a mistake, please. Forgive me. I want you to be mine. I love you so much, Kendall."

I raised my hand to wipe a tear off his face. "Shhhht" I tried to comfort him.

"I'm.. so.. sorry.." I whispered. "I love.. you… so.. incredibly much.. Logie."

"I love you too, Kendall, forever." He leaned down and captured my lips. With the last bit of life in me I kissed him back.

We pulled away and locked eyes again. The sirens came closer. He smiled down at me and I weakly smiled back.

"I love you." I whispered one last time looking straight in his eyes.

"I love you too. See you soon, baby." He whispered back and leaned down to kiss me one more time.

In the middle of the kiss I passed away.

**I cried when I wrote this.**

**I read a lot of fics where one of them actually wants to kill himself but eventually they don't. So yeah, I was like 'JUST FUCKING DIE' and then I wrote this. And the "See you soon, baby" Actually means that Logan killed himself too, but I'll let that all to your imagination. XD And I don't know if it's really noticeable, but I wanted to make Kendall kinda depressed in this story, so even though Logan eventually DID love him back, there where just other things that made him do what he did.**

**Reviews would mean a lot. ~LOVE.**


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